You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
