One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
