Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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