I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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