Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize