Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
