You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
