My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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