A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
