It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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