he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
