he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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