First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
