Apparently you make a good broom.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
