they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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