Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
A bitchslap is in order.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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