I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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