That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
