we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So apparently I’m into choking now
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