We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Found the puke drawer
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
