Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
