this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize