This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
These tits shall not be calmed
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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