Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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