Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
