So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
