Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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