Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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