Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
