The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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