too bad you live with your parents still
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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