I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
