Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
