my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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