So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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