Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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