it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
