No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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