idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize