I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize