Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
