You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
it wasn't lemon gatorade
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
