ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
