my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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