I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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