he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
