I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
