Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
