I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize