Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
