omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
