im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
