Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
