She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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