Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
