flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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