i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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