I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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