he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
