I'm jealous of your bromance
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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