Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
