Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
