Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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