You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
