Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
